I don't think I've ever met a parent who didn't have a struggle with at least one of their children, or with one area of overall parenting. If you know me, you know that I have one child who simply does not agree with the parenting style I've used for my other children. It's a frustrating and humbling road to travel when you know that you are not getting through to your child-that they need something from you that you don't know how to give.
I asked parenting advice from everyone. For years. I read books. I took my child to therapy. I tried everyting I knew how. Eventually, I stumbled across an instagram account called @simplyonpurpose. At first I dismissed anything this impossibly perfect woman had to say. Ralphie, the woman who I now realize is a parenting genius, was teaching us all how to be a peaceful parent, something I had completely given up on.
The first time I watched her, she was coaching parents how to get through a three day no-yell challenge. Hard pass for me. No way. No how. Impossible. I swiped past her. Obviously I know I shouldn't yell at my kids, but being a perfect parent isn't an accomplishable goal. I don't need more failure in my life.
But something about the way Ralphie spoke kept playing in the back of my mind. She was so gentle and yet passionate about her message. So I tried again. And then swiped again. And then tried and swiped several more times before I realized that she was right about all of it.
Tentatively I attempted to impliment her techniques. And they worked. And I am forever changed because of her.
She taught me to look for something to praise rather than focusing on correcting bad behavior. She said to ignore any behavior we don't want to reinforce. She said it's important to offer incentives for good behavior. She said that most of the time when we loose our cool as moms, it's due to our own false narratives about unrealistic or incomplete expectations we have for ourselves or our kids. She offered research to support her claims and advice. She reminded me to be patient with myself as I attempted these new skills, and to focus on staying safe as a parent as often as possible instead of flying off the handle.
She bridged the daily-expanding gap I felt between what my child needed, and what I was capable of delivering. I am so grateful for Ralphie. If there is anyone who can identify with the struggle I was facing, I plead with you to give @simplyonpurpose a chance. It changed my life. Maybe it will change yours too.
