Kiss Today Goodbye

There hasn't been too much going on at home lately. This picture is pretty much the norm. The boys are playing in their underwear with macaroni and cheese on their faces, and i try clothes on Joelle and admire how cute they are. It's been really nice outside so we've been able to play outside more, which has been nice. I got mastitis 2 weeks ago, and woke up with it again today. I'm not frustrated by it anymore because I know that I'm doing all I can to avoid it. I'm just susceptible to it because I have such ample milk supply. I guess I should just be greatful for that.

In other news, Joe just returned from a job interview last night. He assures me that it went really well, and I'm REALLY trying not to get my hopes up. It would be absolutely amazing though-pretty much everything we've been looking for. We won't know for a few weeks. I'm trying to keep in mind that we've come across options in the past that seemed like a perfect fit, and the Lord told us that it wasn't for us. I'm praying that we'll be let to where we are meant to be, but reminding the Lord that I REALLY hope it's this job:) I guess we'll see.

All of these decisions have made graduation real. We are going to be leaving Iowa in a matter of weeks. It's been bitter sweet to imagine. I am looking forward to the time when we won't be poor students anymore and we can visit family when we want/need to. But at the same time we have our Iowa family. The friends we've made here have been like siblings-the kind that don't fight over the front seat or convince you to play hide and seek without the intent of ever seeking you.

We've raised our families with these friends, we've supported each other through thick and thin, and we've arranged embarrassing words on each others refrigerator magnets. So while I am really looking forward to sleepovers at grandma's, and attending cousin's birthday parties, I am equally dreading missing the summer BBQ's at the Coralville Lake, or on our back porch with a slip'n'slide for the kids. People talk about this being a unique time in our lives, and it being the best of times... it really is.

I'm going to miss this beautiful place. I'm going to miss the soybean fields, and of course the corn fields too.

And the rolling hills, and the humid haze in the summer evening. And all of these people and more:Sorry ladies, I know every single one of you are going to complain about these pictures. Let's be honest, you know we'd all find something wrong with any picture I'd post. But I love you all the more for it.

the long and the short of it

long hair or short? don't say either-that doesn't help me.

Got Milk?

I have 31 bags of frozen breast milk. My freezer is starting to get too full for anything new. It's kinda cool to see them all lined up like this. I've been saving them so that Joelle can still have breast milk after I dry up-obviously not any time soon. My goal was to pump for 6 months, and I have 31 bags after 2 months. I seriously doubt my freezer can fit 63 bags in it. Also, frozen milk expires after 4 months so at some point I'll have to start freezing everything I pump and thawing everything she eats. Wish me luck.

It's a Long Story

Today as I sat down in the shower (i do this a lot) I couldn't help but be swallowed up in the memories of how i thought I'd lost my sweet baby girl. Some of you may know that I thought i'd miscarried with this pregnancy, but most of you don't know the whole story. so here it is.
Warning: it's rather graphic.
I was 3 weeks pregnant, and Joe and I had just found out. We were trying to have another baby so this was good news for us. One morning I suddenly got very sick and I rushed to the bathroom and threw up. This is rare for me, I'm not a puker. Even with my last pregnancy i only vomited a few times and each one i could feel coming on for at least 10 minutes before it happened. This one was very sudden, and when I threw up I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and then i started bleeding. It was pretty significant bleeding, and I thought I might be miscarrying. I was still feeling very sick and now became overwhelmed. Of course this was the moment the boys chose to pull the shelf off of the refigerator door and all of it's contents spilled out onto my kitchen floor including a salsa jar that shattered. I texted a couple of friends and they rushed over to help me. after about a half hour with their help things settled down and we talked about what had happened. None of us were VERY sure it was a miscarriage, but we agreed I needed to go to the doctor. I don't remember for sure, but I imagine it was the next day that I went in for an ultrasound to check things out. The nurse confirmed that I had a thriving 6 week old fetus. 6 weeks was further than I thought I was. I'd had a cycle the previous month so I just assumed that I hadn't gotten pregnant. It wasn't a cycle. My bleeding the previous month and recently was caused by a tear in my uterus. When I'd thrown up it must've torn open again and that was the sharp pain i'd felt. I was so relieved! While I was there I had the nurse double check that I was only pregnant with one baby this time. then I had her check again. and then again. It was definitely one baby. Another relief. The tear was supposed to heal on it's own.
Three weeks later I was 9 weeks pregnant and since I thought I was in the clear I had announced my pregnancy to most people already. I was visiting teaching one night, and when I stood to leave I felt as though i had wet my pants-very embarrassing. I hurried to my car so I could run home and change, but as I got closer to my car I noticed the moisture didn't stop and when I looked down I could see that blood had seeped through my pants and wasn't stopping. I had also locked my keys in my car so I flagged down my companion and asked for a ride home, and told her what was happening. I sat on my ensign as she drove me home and tried to reassure me that it wasn't necessarily what I thought. We both knew that the possiblilty was remote with the amount of bleeding I was having-soaking onto the ensign I was sitting on-that it was anything but a miscarriage. When I got home I ran up the stairs and called for Joe, but he wasn't home. I ran into the bathroom and sat on the toilet (not knowing what else to do) and the moment I did a tennis ball-sized mass dropped out of me into the water. No mistaking this time. I was sure I'd just lost the baby. Joe came home shortly after and we dealt with the situation. I got into the shower and tried not to think about what just happened-unsuccessfully. At least it didn't hurt. I'd heard that they really hurt. I felt like this was a tender mercy and the one thing I could focus on that was positive. This time I kept bleeding for a long time. I called the doctor, but insisted that I'd rather stay at home and be with my family. The doctor was reluctant, but told me to come in if I felt any cramping. I never did.
Joe called our parents and friends because I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to say it. joe asked our parents to relay the message to our siblings and ask that they not call.I knew that they'd be sad and try to be supportive, but being sad wasn't what I needed. I just needed to lay on the couch with joe, and try to cling to hope that I could try again soon. We assured each other that if a body isn't healthy then it's better this way. At least it was fast.
In the next days I had a lot of support from my close friends which I am so grateful for. I had blood tests done to compare my levels to make sure everything was on track. But after the second blood test I hadn't heard back so I called in to check. A week had passed since it happened and I felt emotionally stable so I just wanted to get on with it and look toward when I could try again. The doctor called and told me that my blood levels were not consistent with a miscarriage, but that could mean that i hadn't passed everything. I was scheduled for an ultrasound that afternoon to presumably have a D&C. I was really scared because I knew it would be emotionally and physically painful. We started with an ultrasound. That was the miraculous moment. The moment when I got my baby back. The nurse turned the moniter to me and showed me a healthy baby with a strong heartbeat. It took me a while to soak it all in. For the first hours I mostly felt guilty that I'd been wrong. I told people I'd had a miscarriage a week ago. Friends and family emailed supportive letters and memories of their own sad experience of miscarriage. I had drudged up all of these terrible memories for them, and I was wrong about what happened to me. Loosing a baby isn't something a person should be wrong about. You just don't do it. But the signs were almost undeniable. I didn't understand what had happened to me. Eventually my Doctor told me that there was no way of knowing. It definitely wasn't a twin because I'd checked VERY thoroughly that I had only one baby this time around. Our best guess what that the tear never closed, but just clotted and grew and the blood leaked into and filled up the clot until it was the size of a tennis ball. At which point it must've torn off and passed through.
People ask me if this pregnancy was easier than when I had the twins. Of course carrying one baby is much easier than two, but this pregnancy was much more difficult. It was an emotional roller coaster. I thought I'd had a miscarriage twice. The second time I thought it for a whole week. And then I got the best news of my life. Now that Joelle is here and healthy I can't hold in my happiness (Joe can attest to this. I cry all the time). I have my sweet baby girl. I'm so grateful to have her here in my home. She's such a joy with her smiles and her chunky legs. I love her.
Her story is a long hard one, but it has such a happy ending.

Say Cheese!

I know that these are the same pictures that I posted on my facebook. Let me just give you a quick glimpse into my life. My mom is great. She is great for many reasons, one of which is the many quarks she possesses. All through my childhood and into adulthood my family has teased my mom about her terrible memory. It's bad. This makes things very funny for us when she can't remember common phrases or tells a story wrong. Its also very funny that she is completely incapable of remembering any user name and password combination. It usually takes at least 20 minutes to even start skype with her. She also struggles with Facebook, so whenever she's forgotten her user name and password she simply starts a new Facebook account. I stopped 'friending' her after the 3rd one. This morning i called her and she began our conversation with her complaint that she can't see pictures of Joelle because her "dang computer won't let her log in again". She even writes down her info every time she starts a new account but somehow she can never seem to find the right combination. Its very funny-to me at least. I love her. And for that reason I am posting these same pictures onto my blog so she can see them. This is for you mom!

Isn't this supposed to be restful?

I am guilty of putting my kids in front of a movie when I need them out of my hair for a while. I think all moms do this at some point. But most of the time when I turn on a movie, it doesn't get me off the hook. For example, right now I am folding laundry and I put on The Little Mermaid so the boys can sit contentedly and not wake up Joelle. Her room is where all of the boys' toys are since they can't sleep in the same room as their toys. Ok, so now here is how it goes.
I turn on the movie and sit down with my mountain of laundry. The movie starts and i start folding

Noah: what's that mommy?
Me: it's a boat
Noah: where's a he going?
Me: they're going fishing
Noah: why?
I don't answer
Noah: why mommy? why's a he fishing?
Me: I don't know honey
Noah: (whine) don't say 'i don't know' mommy! i'n asking so nice! I'n bein so nice!
Me: ok, sorry Noah. you did ask me very nicely.
After the song. the fish slaps the skinny old guy and jumps back in the water
Noah: mommy, see da fish? Where's a he goin mommy?
Me: He jumped back in the water
Noah: where?
Me: He's swimming home
Noah and Ethan comment as they see the different fish and whales during the intro. Sebastian's concert begins and Ariel is missing
Noah: what happened mommy? Ariel's daddy's a so mad?
Me: yup
Noah: why is he so yellin?
Me: because Ariel was supposed to be home but she wasn't there
Noah: where is he?
Me: she's right there
Noah: and he's not home?
Me: nope
Noah: he's bein so naughty and swimmin away? and da shark? ......and da shark mommy?
Me: yup, there's the shark
Noah: it's a fork mommy....see? ....see mommy?....see da fork?....mommy! you not talkin to me!
Me: yes honey it's a fork.
Noah: look mommy look! the shark! what's a he doin?!
Me: ya, the shark is chasing them.
Noah: why's a he chasing Ariel?
Me: because the shark is hungry and he wants to eat Flounder and Ariel
Noah: but he's gonna get in trouble wif her daddy pecause he's so mad and say 'Ariel!'
Me: ya, and she'll have to go in time out for being naughty
Noah:sometimes i'n so naughty and have to go to time out.
Me: sometimes
Noah: but today i'n so nic-(gasp) mommy! what just happened!

You can see why i find movie time so exhausting. I'm supposed to just sit, watch The Little Mermaid, and fold laundry while my baby sleeps and my boys watch happily. It's not always the case.

6 weeks old

Joelle is getting nice and fat. She sleeps really well nowadays-something I DO NOT take for granted. We are all doing really well. ok ok, I did get mastitis and it was really rough going for a while. I'm not going to lie, it was completely miserable. Fortunately i'm past the worst of it and i'm finishing my antibiotics that kick mastitis butt. Joe is totally amazing and took great care of me while i was sick. He even brought me a cool wet cloth for my forehead when my fever made me hot/cold/hot/cold and let me sleep all through the night. I'm sorry ladies, I snagged the very best.

And we make some pretty cute kids

I came so close to catching that smile:

So what do you think? So you think they look alike? This is Noah (i think):

A lot of people ask me "is 1 kid SO MUCH easier than 2 kids?" and my response is that i wouldn't know, because I have 3 kids. But don't worry, i know that you are asking if Joelle is easier than the twins were. Once again, my first snide response is that she is a LOT easier than this:

But to really answer your question, yes she is much easier than this:

My friends comment on how funny it is to see me interact with Joelle. They say that they never saw me oogle over my boys the way I do with Joelle. It's very true. I don't think I had the energy to really appreciate how cute my boys were as babies. But this time around I'm soaking up every second. I love this girl. I love how the boys can get her to smile. I love when Noah whispers to her and gives her kisses. I love when she laughs in her sleep. She is absolutely breathtaking when she laughs, and I'm the only one who's seen it. Its a little sad that Joe hasn't seen it, but it almost feels like a sweet little secret she and I share. I know soon enough she will have big smiles for the whole world to see. They'll look something like this: