I can't sleep...

I absolutely HATE that it takes me so long to fall asleep at night. I was tossing and turning last night and getting so frustrated that i was still awake. I just can't stop thinking about things that get me worried. For example: I was talking to so and so last year, and I'm sure that i said something stupid, and did I hurt their feelings, and what should I have done, and if I did that with everyone would my life be so much more complicated with all the extra effort and.... You get the picture. I have to stop myself and realize that I'm still awake and still thinking. I say to myself "Stop thinking! Stop thinking!" but that's just more thinking.

Then I remembered what Joe jokingly told me was the reason that he can fall asleep so easily. He said that Joseph Smith said something like being able to fall asleep is the result of a clean conscience. So i thought to myself that maybe if I righted all of the wrongs that run through my head all night long I'd be able to sleep. Obviously I don't want to name specifics because that would be impossible. I've done SO MANY stupid things in my life that I think my fingers would fall off if i tried to type them all. I'm hoping a public apology will do. Here goes:

To everyone that i prematurely judged: I'm sorry. I have no place to judge since i am far from being a model wife, mother, friend, or associate.

To everyone who I rubbed the wrong way: Please know that I'm nervous when i first meet people and I tend to either say something crazy or just sit in silence and hope that no one judges me.

To those at church who I seemingly ignore: I really do wish i could talk to you. I hate to blame my kids, but when I'm at church I get so flustered that i am basically in SURVIVE mode. I'd love to be in learn mode or socialize mode, but that really doesn't happen most of the time. I like you. I really do. I just give me two and a half more months when my kids are in nursery and then i can be calm and collected. I AM interested in getting to know you. Please have patience with me.

To those who've been offended by opinions that I've stated: I'm probably wrong. I change my mind all the time. I'm a little flaky. Unless you really like Samuel L Jackson. In that case i apologise for nothing. seriously, he is a terrible actor and anything that he touches turns to crap. Unbreakable? Shaft? Snakes on a Plane?! Really? how did that movie even get made? I will only admit that I like him as Frozone, but at least i didn't have to see his face.

To those whose feelings I hurt: I'm SO SORRY. If there is one thing I hate, it is to actually hurt someone. As much as I play off that I don't care about anything, I really do care about people's feelings. My mom used to tell me heart-wrenching stories when I was a little girl to make me sensitive to other people. It worked. Just know that I try to be a nice person.

I'll let you know if this cures my insomnia.