"a colostomy waste of time?"

I thought it was a clever pun, but I have to give proper credit to my neighbor Jonathan for coming up with it. No I do not have to wear a colostomy bag-its just a joke.

So, I thought I would give a quick update about my health. So far I have been trying very hard to get better. People keep asking me if I am feeling any better, but the answer is a little complicated. I do still have all my symptoms, but I don't want to say "oh, no I still feel terrible all the time." The truth is that I don't feel terrible all the time. I rarely feel terrible. Yes, I have tummy issues, but I'm pretty used to it. Its been this way for a year and a half. I don't feel all crampy and twisty and sick inside like I have in the past, so that's good. The answer to the question is I am getting better at being gluten free. I try really really hard. I am very careful, but its not an overnight process to suddenly know every food and every scientific term for all the things I can't eat. I'm still not perfect at it. I got my blood test results today saying that I still have gluten somewhere in my diet. The hard part is finding it. Also, the hard part is coming to terms with not eating it. That was a joke by the way.

I had a colonoscopy on Wed-that was a real treat. Actually having the procedure was totally fine. If there is one thing I love its to be put to sleep in 10 seconds and then to be loopy when I wake up-followed by another coma-like sleep for 4 hours. Wednesday was great, I actually looked forward to Wednesday. Tuesday...was crappy. Very very crappy. For those of you who have experienced this-I am sorry. To say that its miserable is an understatement. I had to drink more than a gallon of laxative. Except that I gave up halfway through my gallon. I figured it was okay because , honestly, going to the potty is not my problem. That gallon jug is designed to clean out 90-year-old constipated men. I didn't need it all. Plus I realized that I was going to kill myself if I had to finish. I'm sorry to disappoint you Peggy-I tried. The Doctor didn't seem to notice and technically nobody asked my if I actually drank it all so I didn't have to lie-technically.

After all is said and done, the results are good. I don't have crohns disease or intestinal cancer. I do have microscopic colitis, which I really freaked out about at first. I had no idea what it was. Secretly I hoped that it meant that I didn't have celiacs, but it turns out it just means that my insides are a little swollen and I should take some Imodium. Was it really a waste of time? Not really. Just more clues to the puzzle. Its hard to expect immetiate results and solutions to answers. Fortunately for me, i'm probably the least perceptive person alive so by the time I learn a lesson, thats about the time I realize that it was a trial that taught me-and by that time the hardest part is over. I hope. knock on wood.

Sorry to bore you all with this stuff. Some of you really care, some of you really don't. I just thought it was time to do a mass update. All in all, I'm doing better. Kinda. Mostly. I'm doing just fine. Still battling against the gluten. If you notice anything that has secret hidden gluten in it let me know. I'm trying to find it so I can get better. All the way better.