Sunday, March 29, 2009
My Poor Boys
Lately I've been having the feeling that my boys don't have the benefit of a 22 yr old mom with lots of energy. I have embraced the lifestyle of a "relaxed parent" as i like to call it. I just don't have the energy to worry about everything like a new mother should. I let my kids eat whatever that thing is that they pick up off the floor. As long as its not metal they should be fine. I don't backtrack to try to find the missing sock at the play place. I let them cry themselves back to sleep almost every time I hear them at night. I let them fight over toys-you get the picture. Sometimes I think that if I just had one, I could be a better mom. I could fuss over them and make sure they always had clean faces and noses. I could sit down and read to them while they sit on my lap. I could take them to the library for story time, or to the park to teach them to walk. Wow, I'm incapable of saying him instead of them. Its always them. Even when I'm asking other people about their new babies. I say "How are they sleeping" instead of "How is she sleeping". Anyway, I just feel like I'm not giving my boys the types of things that they really deserve. I wish I could read to them every day, but they fight over the book, or I'll read to Ethan, but Noah hates sitting on my lap. I try taking them outside to play, but then they each take off in different directions, and I can't keep them BOTH safe all by myself. Then i feel like I'm favoring one over the other, and I don't need that kind of guilt. I'm already dealing with enough of that. I realize that all mothers battle with feelings of inadequacy, but I haven't been able to shake this recent bout of it. Maybe when the ground dries out I can take them outside more and feel better about my parenting.
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9 comments:
Jessica is the best wife and mother anyone could ask for. Our boys love her so much. I have felt the same as her sometimes. it really is hard to give both Ethan and Noah the attention they deserve. I do know that they love their mommy so much. I can see it everyday. Sure they light up for me when i get home each night but they go to mommy when they are sad or mad. They know she is their comfort and security blanket. daddy is too hard on them i guess. Jessica is great. No one can do what she does out here. Day in and day out she is there for them at the expense of her own fun. I give thanks everyday for her.
Joseph
Jess, you are a wonderful and very capable mother. I have definitely seen that, even in just the few times I've been around you all. Way to in!!
Jess you are SUCH a good mom (can you hear the inflection in my voice as you read that?)!! You know that I am the same way with Jake and he is just one! And I know that you think that they're not, but when Noah and Ethan are with other people they really are perfect. The other night we couldn't have asked for two better babies to be watching, and that's exactly what you're raising them to be - "non-stress" babies. I just wish that Jake was more like both of yours!! Love you!
I know you didn't post to have people tell you that you are a good mom, but you really are. I echo Joe, Sarah, and Angela. Your boys know they are loved, and that is the best gift you could ever give them! I wish I were more laid back like you!
Jess,
I've never met you, but I used to know Joe quite well. I have no doubt that you are a wonderful mother though. Coming from a mother of three - with number four on the way - I just want you to know you are not alone. My husband is constantly having to remind me that everyone else looks like the perfect mother from the outside, but when the doors close, we all face those trials and feelings of inadequacy. Your boys are loved and cared for and that is most important. Just do what you can with what you have and everything will be great. (As a side note, my husband is a twin and his mom did most of the same things you talked about- i.e. crying to sleep in the night, not reading to them everynight - and he and his twin still turned out great.)
Best of luck
Sherry
Jess, I can see what you mean by not feeling like you're 100% there for each of them but I think you are doing a whole heck of a lot better than you think. The Lord wouldn't have sent two boys down at the same time to you if he didn't think you weren't capable of it. We all can tell how great of a mom you are (and wife) by all the blogs you post up about your kids and husband. I rarely see pictures of you! You are SO completely involved in their lives. So I can understand how you feel... but you're not fooling us :) :) :) Love ya
Sometimes I feel that way with just one. If I am doing other things while she is awake and I can tell she just wants mamas attention I feel bad. Don't let it get you down though, that is Satan's trap. We have all been impressed with your mothering skills. I wouldn't come to you for advice if I didn't feel that way. I agree with Joseph.
ps The Hatch blog is under construction I guess. Sherstin said she is making a new one that will be private the whole time.
I remember a friend of mine talking about how she couldn't go to many fun public mom/kid places like the zoo, library, etc. very easily with her young twins. That would be really hard.
Good thing they are pretty satisfied just staying in the kitchen and tearing through the spatula drawer.
If you ever feel like you are not giving them enough of yourself, just think back to that several week hospital stay. That was like pre-extra credit.
you are much more carefull than i ever was. well, i guess i was very careful with Bud,but when Joe came along, i got more laxed. Monkey Joe,climbed on everything,and Bud watched out for him. The boys will take care of each other as they grow. Just keep em alive, an oreo,or too much candy wont hurt.Do you have an ABC chart yet? that is fun. And get a pointer stick.
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